Information for Support Persons
If you are the partner, friend or family member of a woman who is making a pregnancy decision or having an abortion, you may be wondering how to best be there for her. We know that support is one of the most important factors in how women feel about an abortion. Let her know you care about and want to be there for her. Its a good idea to ask her how she feels and what would help her most. She may not know the answer or be able to articulate her feelings or needs, but even just being asked can often make someone feel better. It is also important not to assume what she is feeling or what her needs are it's always good to check in. Never underestimate the power of just listening. You do not need to have the solution. Try to allow her to talk about the decision and/or experience as many times as she needs to. However, it's best not to try to make her talk if she does not want to. She may not know how to tell you what she is feeling, or she may want to think things over herself before she puts her thoughts into words. You can acknowledge any feelings she is having without trying to fix them or brush them aside. Emotions like nervousness, sadness or feeling overwhelmed are normal responses to an abortion experience and it can be helpful for women to be able to express that. If you are her partner, be affectionate if she welcomes it, but be prepared for her to not want to be sexual. Do not put any pressure on her to do so. Many women need their support people close to them during a time like this. However, for other women the most important thing they need is space. If this is what she asks for, then try to give her time to process the experience on her own or with other people close to her. There are lots of great ways to offer practical as well as emotional help. This can include transportation to and from appointments, childcare, help with getting or preparing food, or even just making sure she has the things that bring her comfort during a stressful/difficult time. Doing something special for her can help both of you feel better. Try to make room for both positive and negative emotions. For example, some women feel mainly relief around an abortion, and that is normal. Others feel mixed emotions including sadness, fear, feeling overwhelmed, grief, and anger. These are also normal. She needs to define her own experience, even if it is different from what you think it should be. Other Resources For Male Partners: For Parents:
